Exhausted? Need a Career Change?

The #1 Question to Help Transform your Career

When clients first come to me this is usually what I hear:

“I am exhausted. My job is toxic. I need to find a new job ASAP.”

Sound familiar?

They aren’t wrong. Their job is toxic, as it no longer brings a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, which is a sure sign that something needs to change.

I warn my clients to be careful of the quick fix of “Get me a new job!”. Why? Because that line of thinking is just an old story/tale that won’t help them get them where they want to go.

The reason?   

If you don’t deal with the root of the problem you will keep replicating the same patterns and end up in the SAME EXHAUSTIVE AND TOXIC JOB PATTERN OR WORSE  STAY AT THE SAME TOXIC JOB YOU ARE IN because you have become so pessimistic, or lacking in confidence, that you are sending out the wrong vibes.

So when my clients come to me I make them stop, and of course, reflect on themselves and what they want, but also…and this is a key component… I take them through specific exercises that help them take a hard look at what role they themselves are playing to make the situation they are currently in so toxic.  

I know some of you just read that and are thinking, “No way! It is not my fault, my situation is totally different!”

And if you think that… then this post, and the following question, is your wake up call!

Typically the first question I ask my clients, regardless of whether they are an executive or an assistant, is this:

“What do I (FILL IN YOUR NAME HERE ☺) need to own in creating this toxic environment.”

Question mark Image Victoria

Now go back and read that question out loud with your name inserted.

This is the same question I constantly ask myself, when I am not happy, especially in my career.

Because no matter what you think/hope/feel, and no matter how many others agree with you that your situation is toxic… you are playing a role.

And until you really pinpoint what you need to own in that situation, it will be hard to find a career you love.

Here’s why…

I have shared at several speaking engagements that I truly believe one’s job is a partnership and a contract, especially these days when personal and professional lines have been so blurred.

For your career to grow and succeed, and for you to be fulfilled, you need to feel you are in a reciprocal relationship – in short that you are getting something back for your efforts.  This fact stands whether you are in corporate America or an entrepreneur.

In my research, I have isolated three key areas where an individual specifically needs to feel this reciprocal relationship – fit, challenge and money/security.  

   LOAMLife Daily Choice Career Assessment Model™

triangleIf any of these three pieces starts off on the wrong foot, or changes during your career, it can make things uncomfortable and miserable, which pushes you to want change… and sometimes that change is not well thought-out.

For example:

Scenario #1 – let’s say your job focus or challenge suddenly changes because you got a new boss and there is a new layer above you and your role becomes more subordinate. Boom – you are unhappy because your challenge has changed.

Scenario #2 – you realize you have haven’t received a raise in a few years and others around you have. Boom – again you suddenly feel under-compensated so the money is off, and your perspective around work shifts.

Scenario #3 – you are an entrepreneur and you’ve hired an assistant to do work that is taking up your time but they are not available when you need them and you feel you need to redo everything. Boom – now the fit is off.

Any of these sound familiar?

So what’s my point?

My point is that when things start to go south, most people start to spiral downward. And their first reaction is to blame everything on the company culture, their boss or another… it is just human nature.  

But the truth is, things don’t just happen to you – you let them happen – no matter where you work or what you do.

Don’t believe me?

Let’s take the above Scenario #1 of getting bypassed for raises.  

First, you have every right to be frustrated because YOU ARE getting overlooked but you also need to sit back and say, “What do I need to own in this situation?” (See Step #2 in the LOAMLife Transformation Journey Model below.)


LOAMLife Proprietary 5-Step Transformation Journey™

Tranformation journey


For example, how many people were promoted before you before you took notice? Do you know how much you are worth? Are you actively monitoring your career and do you know how? And most importantly, do you know how your boss/company really thinks of you that could be leading to this end result?

While the answers are always more nuanced than this, it just might turn out, after you go through my exercises, that the only reason you have never gotten a raise is that you never asked or you didn’t know how to position your request to make it a no brainer.

Believe me, I have seen it happen time and again, AND the best part is that when some of my clients finally asked, they got what they wanted and didn’t need, or want, to change jobs.

So really it wasn’t your job or your boss, but how you were behaving in that scenario. If that is the case, even if we help you find your next job, you will be destined to repeat the same pattern AND the same frustration…because you never learned to stand for you what your worth!

And that, my friend, is the definition of insanity and I am passionate about not living that and helping you avoid living that situation too!

Want more information on transforming your career? Listen here as I share my approach on How to succeed in the first 60-90 days in a new job: by keeping the bar low and avoiding the Curse of the Competent.   These are proven steps outlined in an action plan to make sure your next move is a better situation for you – whether that move is today, or tomorrow.

And remember, in each moment you have a Daily Choice™ to get you where you want to go.  Make it wisely!

#dailychoice #loamlife #careerstrategy


PS If you are ready to transform your career today… Click here to sign-up for a free discovery call directly with me. I sincerely would love to make your career dreams a reality! Or join me for the next Career Boost Call. Details here.


  1. This post really made me think about how my job is a partnership and I need to own my side of things. This would have helped me in positions in the past. I’m glad I stopped by to read. Thanks Victoria!

    • Thank you Sue! We often forget our jobs are living, breathing partnerships that need nurturing from both sides. I am so glad this spoke to you. Now be aware of how you may act differently with this knowledge. It will open up a whole new world and approach.

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